I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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