I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
