lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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