I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
