Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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