What did we do last night that was yellow?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
