it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
