So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize