it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
