I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i out mim tonsoeep
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
