I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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