So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize