The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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