My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
