hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I currently don't understand fingers.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
