did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
