I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
