I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize