She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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