dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
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Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's blow job season.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
