So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize