does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
