is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
