I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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