"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
