I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
