her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The struggles of a small town man whore
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
