an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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