FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize