I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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