The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
