around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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