so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
