I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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