Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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