And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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