take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
