You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
