There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
