We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Blood and glitter go together right?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
