So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
