i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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