Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
