just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize