Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
