I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
