DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
