So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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