69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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