ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
