Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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