And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
