Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize