Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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