I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
