Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Randomize
