you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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