so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
