I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
