What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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