the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i've created a new STD.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
