Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
