Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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