we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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