my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize