I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
