i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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